Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Back to Work

In my anniversary post earlier this week I noted how much has changed in two short years. 

Take for example...

4:00 am on November 4, 2013: heading to the airport for our honeymoon trip to Aruba.


4:00 am on November 4, 2015: sitting beside our son's pack-n-play {because I'm the crazy mom who isn't ready to move him to his crib yet!} just watching him sleep with tears streaming down my face because I'm not ready for my maternity leave to end.

Snuggling my sweet babe extra close on my last day of maternity leave.
I love that little man more than life itself.

To say that I've got anxiety about going back to work would be the understatement of the year. I've had a knot in my stomach for the past two weeks just thinking about it...and now that the day has actually come, I can't stop the tears from falling. I know that this day--the first day--is the hardest and it will get easier with time...but that sure doesn't make today any easier. 

We've found an exceptional nanny. She's raised five kids of her own, has 7 grandkids, previously had an in-home daycare and has run her church nursery for 14 years. She's obviously beyond qualified and knows a heckuva lot more than I do about babies. She's incredibly loving and nurturing with Baby Huston. The first thing she asked me was if it would be ok to read him the Spanish! And she's even whipped me up a special Mexican drink that significantly increased my supply of breastmilk. The woman is nothing short of amazing. We're so incredibly grateful to have found her, and we completely trust her to care for our baby boy...but I still don't want to leave him. 

I never imagined I'd struggle with going back to work. I love my job and am truly blessed to have a great deal of flexibility and to work with fabulous people. I know I'll eventually get back in the groove of things and going to work will once again become my "normal." I realize that I'll value the time I spend with Huston now even more than I did when I was able to stay home with him 24/7...and it is my hope that QUALITY time over quantity of time will only make me a better mom.